Choosing a Major isn't a Matter of Life and Death (Surviving it is).
by YBLalat

To be truthful and frank is hard when it comes to expressing your views on an issue that touches you the most and the deepest. It gets even harder when your expressed views will be taken into account in aiding the shape of someone else's future; knowing all along that what you say and act upon may or may not work as expected on other people's life. The hardest part of all is when you don't know what you really want to say and that your experience, the sole organ that you've always relied on when in the urgency of saving face, has got no prior 'survival notes' on the issue. I am talking about giving advice on one's choices of a life path, especially in what to do and what not to do, although sometimes the two does not work well together in helping the poor bastard.

And this difficulty is further exemplified when dealing with the choosing a major.

A few weeks back, I heard rumors that many of the freshmen whom initially wanted to pursue their Bachelor of Science degree in Chemical Engineering here at the U of M have now feel the strain and the apprehension of the famously 'tough' major. They whined and moaned of the horror and the agony that will fall upon their miserable souls soon, as if it has never before fallen upon them before. Some were allegedly in active pursuit of changing their major from Chemical Engineering to something else of more mercy and/or interest, although it was hard to say how active they are in doing that. Some were already with the intentions of renouncing the dreaded major and embracing another, all done publicly and with great confidence, to their respective sponsors and parents. So was what I heard then.

"So, what is the issue of that?" you may ask.

Such matters may seem trivial and meek to the knowledge of the common many. Every single soul has the fundamental rights to choose whatever that they interest feels right to study on and indulge in, correct? Whatever that I choose to be my major and field of study is of my own concern and benefit, yes? Why, doesn't it only concern me and my future alone, and that that is not a matter of your influence or pride, whoever you may be?

Well, yes, no and no.

The majority of all Malaysian students pursuing their tertiary studies in a foreign land, with the high hopes that that four years of investment of their priceless youth would pay off big time in the next 40 years of their adulthood, are under the financial and/or corporate tutelage of an educational sponsorship entity. Some are proud to be in the service of the national oil and gas conglomerates (read: natural resources rapists) while others are just too ashamed to be associated with the government's piggy bank. No matter to which party they turned to when asked of what have befallen upon their plunging academic progress, the basic idea is still that "…you are here simply because we want something out of you in return".

Overseas students are nothing but pawns of investment in the eyes of their sponsors.

Scholars are expected to bring back what their sponsors want them to bring back (and what they paid their scholars for) and I can assure you that they definitely do not want a pregnant woman and a tongue piercing first and foremost. If you are sent to fetch a degree in chemistry, even if later you realize that chemistry is not the best that suits your passion, still you are to return with a degree in chemistry. Changing your major after the signing of a contract is most often an act of ungratefulness and arrogance. Although some are rather generous and understanding in terms of changing a major, provided that the student is able to give credible reasons and is willing to go through the mountainous paperwork and treacherous red tape involved, most sponsors are not even minutely and/or sincerely concerned about the state of happiness and welfare of their scholars.

"You are paid to excel in what we ask you to excel."

Unless you are here for the first time, many of this journal's regulars may have known the fact that the author is indeed a Petronas scholar. ("Yes dear, he is the same as our beloved Prime Minister, who uses the national oil and gas sales money to his own benefit and well-being" says your dad, who is a strong advocate of the Taliban-worshipping opposition parties, to the politically ignorant and hedonistically faithful you.) Added, the author is also a Chemical Engineering major, now painstakingly surviving his share of a 3rd year student's path of torture and agony. The history behind me taking on this horrifying field of study is frankly of a somewhat partly accidental and partly apathetic occurrence. Thus, I intend not to share with you this most precious but humiliating experience. I dare promise you that I'll surely tell that one when the traffic to this site starts to sag.

Back to the frantic freshmen in dire of losing their minds over the paranoia of a major, it is very unfortunate of them that they have already heard of the inevitable truth. It is absolutely true that Chemical Engineering is the toughest shit. Of all the engineering and the core sciences majors put together, this major is the grand mother load that embodies all that is strenuous and demanding and painful. I hold back no secrets from you, my dear Chemical Engineering juniors. The road to graduation via this major's route is indeed rocky and unpleasant. In fact, it is such a tough shit to major in that -once you step your foot into the department's building- you will never see a single A on your grades report for a long, long time. Thus, your fears are as genuine as your existence.

But do not jump off the clock tower yet; there is still faint light at the end of the tunnel.

The rites of passage of each individual taking on the Chemical Engineering major here at the U of M are almost of a similar and familiar pattern. All must pass these milestones in order to find their true reasons for doing this major. Firstly, there is this feeling of 'Why am I doing this?' while they are busily and hurriedly cramming for their final exams. They will instantly stop studying for their finals and go and watch a movie at the St. Anthony's cinema. Then, they will start to recover bit by bit by taking in small doses of caffeine. All along this experience, there is this sense of a lost cause to what and why all of this pain and agony must be rested so intensely upon their shoulders. Secondly, there will be a long period of discomfort and confusion, where all that was thought of as well-planned will be under great and heavy doubt (i.e. the taking of the Differential Calculus and Organic Chemistry courses at the same time, both are of two extremely distinct and faraway worlds of the sciences).

In between the previous and the next, there is this gap of prosperity and peace that all along will seem so suspicious and distrustful (usually it's the long summer vacation leading to a busy next semester). Then, out of nowhere, in came the sudden gust of the coldest wind that carries the most acute urge of wanting to change their major almost immediately. Their bodies and minds will never have a full good night's rest until either that their major is changed or that they hear the comforting voice of their mommies, telling them that "…all is going to be well, Mommy will phone your sponsors soon". (I did not actually go through this one. I am not a mommy's boy, remember?)

Remember this (if it helps reassures your anxiety): every Chemical Engineering major will unquestionably go through a period of wanting to change their major. Every single one of them will, that is the rite of passage; the manner in which you survive that period and discover your reasons to it is what determines what kind of a Chemical Engineering student that will come out of your graduation. It does not matter if you are a genius at the subjects and very passionate of the field or you are merely taking them because some men in corporate suits ask you to, all students will be treated equally (i.e. like crap) in class and in the exam. Everybody is in for the long run. So, you are not alone in the struggle; you have others to pity upon.

Fact: Upon working as a chemical engineer, you will only use approximately 30% of what you learnt in college, and that 30% will only be used for the first 5-7 years of employment. So, cheer up, you crybabies!

There will be a time when you feel so cheated by the U credit-rating system. A 3-credit course does not mean it is of an easier subject or of a lesser workload than a 4-credit course. Sometimes, a course that comes with a 4-hour evening lab is more fun and enjoyable (thus better chance of getting ‘A’) than a course that meets only once weekly for an hour’s lecture. There will be a time when you feel that the professor is intentionally hindering you from getting the fullest score by putting in a question that no students else have ever seen and/or attempted to answer. There will be a time when you feel that 7 days a week and 24 hours a day is not enough to simply finish the given homework assignments (not including doing your own studies and extra reading, which are essential to survive a midterm paper). Some will stumble upon days of not knowing the slightest idea what the professor is rambling and writing in front of the class. Even if you have done all of the assigned homework and attended all of the lecture and discussion sessions and reviewed all of last semester’s term papers, there will fall upon you, at least once, that all of your effort will result into a score that tops just a nudge above that of the class average.

It's the survival of the most enduring, regardless of whether or not you actually want the damn degree.

Probably not new news to you, my dear young ones, but this major, the business of studying it and doing research on it are well known to be the reasons why you even came to (or asked to come to) this freezing part of Hell in the first place. The U of M is simply a cold and barren place for the borderline Canadians to store their summer ice cream supply or for the homeless to park their garbage-filled shopping carts for the winter if not for the development and affluence brought by the study and teaching of Chemical Engineering to the U faculties and administration offices. Chemical Engineering to the U of M is synonymous to what cheap dumb blondes are to Playboy magazine. People from all nooks and crannies of the world have, since the invention of time, drag their asses to this place just to have a short glimpse of their life to be committed to the memory of studying this major.

Some have failed terribly (and died of horrible and shameful causes) while some managed well enough (and became filthy rich pimps and fat cat sugar daddies).

Hear me, my dear juniors. Life is mundane and dull when not threatened with the possibility of a great big fuck-up. And from great big fuck-ups comes the best in all of us, right? Taking Chemical Engineering at the U of M is just the first step towards a more mature and wise you. There are more similar steps ahead (e.g. marriage, job interviews, etc.) There are a lot a stake here (namely your future); I wish you the best in surviving the biggest gamble of your life. May the one with the most convincing poker face wins, okay?