[The Race for God's Mercy]
A Compilation of Dialogues and Anecdotes on Solat and the Oversea Students
by YBLalat

Part 2: The Sleeping Sinner and the Diligent Student

“Next case!”
“Here!”
“…and your name is?”
“Mohamad Faizal, son of Mohamad Sharin.”
“…and your mother?”
“Maisarah, daughter of Ahmad.”
“Okay, please stand in the cage.”
“Why? I am in trial or something?”
“Yes, Son, now please stand there.”
“But where is my lawyer? I want a lawyer.”
“Son, do you see that long line of people waiting behind you?”
“Yes?”
“The court has no time for a complete proceeding. There will only be the judge and the accused in a trial. Now please stand in the cage.”
“Only you and me?”
“Yes, and please refer to me with some respect.”
“Sorry, Sir.”
“Son, do you know why you are here?”
“Vaguely, yes and no.”
“Did the bailiff at the gate announce the charges correct?”
“I heard him, but I did not understand what they meant, Sir.”
“Basically, you are here to answer for charges of a misdemeanor and recklessness with the responsibility towards yourself.”
“What misdemeanor? What recklessness?”
“Oh, you should know better, of course.”
“To be truthful, Sir, I have no idea whatsoever of committing any of the stated charges.”
“Well, let me just ask you questions so as to refresh your memories.”
“Okay, whatever. Shoot me when you are ready.”
“Please be careful with your tongue, Son, or I’ll add contempt of court to your charges.”
“I am sorry. Please continue, Sir.”
“Where were you on the morning of March the 26th 2002, around 4:23 am?”
“4:23 in the morning? In bed.”
“Were you alone at the time?”
“No, I think there was my roommate by my side, also sleeping.”
“Explain that, please.”
“My roommate and I share the same queen-size bed.”
“Are you a homosexual, Son?”
“I am sorry, Sir?”
“Do you lead a homosexual life, a gay lifestyle?”
“No!”
‘Then, why was there another man in your bed at 4:23 in the morning?”
“We share the same bed – what is wrong with that?”
“No use hiding, Son. We will get to the truth of that in another trial soon.”
“No, I am not a gay man, Sir!”
“Just let me get back to this case’s questions, okay?”
“But I am not a faggot, you hear me!”
“Please be careful with your tongue! This is the last time I am telling you this!”
“I am sorry, I am sorry.”
“Now, calm yourself down and answer my questions. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“You were sleeping on your bed at the mentioned date and time, correct?”
“Yes, I was.”
“How long after that did you actually get out of bed?”
“Around eleven or so, but I woke up some time before that to get the door.”
“Someone came to your apartment?”
“Yes.”
“Who?”
“I don’t remember.”
“You don’t remember who came knocking on your door?”
“No, I was obviously very sleepy and groggy at the time.”
“But surely you’d remember, right? Who and how many people?”
“No, Sir.”
“How is that possible?”
“The thing about my apartment, Sir, is that it is so close and convenient to the U area that not stopping by is just plain stupid. People come by there every time and every day.”
“Okay, and did you continue with your sleep after getting the door?”
“Yes, I did.”
“And at what time was that?”
“I am not sure, sorry. Maybe at nine, or ten, I don’t know.”
“And at what time did your gay partner get out of your bed?”
“My roommate, Sir, has a tutoring job at the U that requires him to leave our bed early that morning.”
“And at what time?”
“Eight in the morning, I think.”
“Were you awake when he left for work?”
“Slightly, yes. He is a terrible shower singer.”
“You were awake sometime around eight then?”
“Yes, but just slightly awake.”
“Son, at what time did you sleep the night before that?”
“I think it was around 3 o’clock.”
“Why did you sleep so late that night?”
“I was finishing my review reading for a midterm exam the next day, Sir.”
“When was the exam, Son?”
“At 2:30 pm.”
“You stayed up all night that night to prepare for an exam the next day?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Were you too occupied during the day to study the exam material?”
“I was busy finishing up a last minute pre-lab report during the day, Sir.”
“Oh, I see, I see.”
“Midterm week is always like that – last minute and very hectic.”
“Walk me through your case here, Son, and tell me if I am wrong.”
“Be glad to, Sir.”
“You were staying up late studying for your exam until 3 o’clock in the morning before you finally go to sleep. You were not able to study during the daytime because you were busy doing a last minute homework. So far so good?”
“Not just a homework, but a lab report, but yes.”
“Okay. Then, you finally woke up sometime later between 4:23 in the morning and 11 o’clock midmorning, but you remember waking up earlier then eleven to get to the door because someone came by to your apartment.”
“That’s correct.”
“Was that all? Was I correct with the details?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Did I leave anything behind?”
“No, nothing major, Sir.”
“Son, with reference to that account that I’ve just mentioned to you and that you have agreed upon to be that of your activity that day, don’t you think that there is something that we forgot? Something that you forgot?”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t you think that you had forgotten to do something during that period of time?”
“You mean, at eight?”
“No, I mean at 4:23 in the morning.”
“At 4:23 in the morning?”
“Yes?”
“What is there to be done at that hour?”
“Why don’t you tell me about it?”
“But…it’s not even sunup yet.”
“Are you sure?”
“At 4 o’clock in the morning? Yes, I am sure!”
“Son, be sincere and save the court’s time, when was the last time you did your Subuh on time?”
“Oh shit.”
“Yes, yes, now you know, eh? Still, answer me that question.”
“Hm…I think it was 5 days ago.”
“According to my records here, ever since you were 17, nearly all of your Subuh were qada’ ones – never on time and always near the ending. Is that true to your knowledge, Son?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Do you know what time Subuh starts?”
“The last time I check it was around 6:25.”
“Well, that was the schedule for winter. Now, it’s nearing summer; so the sun is earlier to rise, okay?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“How could you not tell that the sunup is earlier these days?”
“I always sleep till near noon, Sir.”
“That is a bad habit. You know about the saying?”
“The one about the earliest bird that gets the worm?”
“Yes, and well, no. The one about waking up early and getting the most rezeki.”
“Oh, that one. Yeah, I’ve heard that before.”
“And out it comes through the left ear, eh?”
“Hah…I guess so, Sir.”
“Okay, I am going to read to you my judgment on the charges and my weighing on the sentence, but first, let me ask you one important question.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“How do you plead? Guilty or innocent?”
“For what, Sir? For not making Subuh on time for the past 5 years since I got out of high school, or just for sleeping in till near noon on the 26th of March 2002?”
“For the latter charge, of course. The former charge is not so serious relative to the latter one – you still did your Subuh, even if they were late. That would only affect your marks badly, but you are still counted as having them done.”
“But sleeping in till noon is a more serious wrong?"
"Excuse me?"
"Forgive me, Sir, but that doesn’t make sense. My sleeping in was not voluntary. I was in deep sleep when it was Subuh. How could you sentence me for being asleep, and being unconscious, Sir? I don't think you are being wise or just on this, Sir."
“Well, for this case, weren’t you voluntarily to bed at three in the morning?”
“Yes.”
“Were you expecting to be naturally awakened at 4:23 am if you were to start sleeping at three? Of course not, yes?”
“Yes.”
“And aren’t you a science-study student? Have you heard of the fact that youngsters your age need eight to nine hours of regular sleep everyday?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“That there is an irresponsible conduct, young man.”
“I admit to that, Sir.”
“And don’t you have a roommate who wakes up at near eight?”
“Yes, sir, but he is always in rush to get to his work.”
“Do not try to fool me, Son. He always tries to wake you up each morning and ask you to your Subuh, but you just slip back into your thick blanket. Correct?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“And don’t you own an alarm clock?”
“Yes, I own an alarm clock, Sir.”
“But instead of using it to wake yourself for Subuh, you time the damn thing to wake you up for the midterm exam, correct?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“So? Do I need to go on?”
“No, Sir, you don’t.”
“That there, Son, is a reckless behavior, and for that, you are fair to be punished.”
“Yes, Sir, I concur.”
“Okay, now I am going to proceed with the readings of the case statement and my judgment on the verdict and the case sentence. You are only to speak up when I ask you to, okay?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“And do I need to remind you, Son, that we will be meeting each other once more in the near future on the joint inquisition of your State-condemned sexual preference?”
“Although I strongly oppose to that indictment, Sir, I don’t think you need to.”
“Okay then, since we are all in equal terms, let me begin. Today, the court is hearing the case of Mohamad Faizal, son of Mohamad Sharin, charged with irresponsibility of one of his five daily prayers and the insult to the State’s integrity by prioritizing his academic need over that of his spiritual, done on the 26th of March of 2002 at local time 4:23 am. Son, do you understand the charges against you?”
“Yes, Sir, I do.”
“Good. The court has decided that, after hearing from the accused and taking into consideration all of the factors and angles involved in this case, Mohamad Faizal, son of Mohamad Sharin was proven to be irresponsible and reckless in the matter of conducting his Subuh prayer on the day stated in the case statement. His actions spoke loudly of this decision by the court: not using the alarm clock, not sleeping accordingly to his bodily need, procrastinating his homework and study to the very last minute, prioritizing guests and roommates over his obligations, and his bold insult of using the excuse of helplessly sleeping in till way past Subuh period to not fulfill that mentioned obligation. The court has also decided that the accused is automatically proven, by the court’s first decision stated previously, to insult and to demean the State’s integrity via his first misconduct by prioritizing his midterm exam over that of his prayer obligation. The court thinks that this is a misdemeanor of great proportions and also a great bewilderment as to why would an individual not fulfill his prayer responsibility but still has hope and zeal for his worldly academic excellence. Son, do you concur to the mentioned case statement?”
“Yes, Sir, I do.”
“Good. Thus, on behalf of the State and as the judge of this case, I hereby sentence you to the Awful Flame Pit for one thousand years, to work as an energy laborer and source provider to the Great Flame. Court’s adjourned!”