[Take Back 20 Years of Mortality and Give Me Back My Moments of Bliss]
by Mohamad Mohamad-Sharin

Idea of free time well spent: Watching a foreign art film, especially from Japan, or the latest anime movie from the video rental store. Late at night and in the dark, with the lights off and everybody else is sleeping, I would watch the video with the volume at medium blast. The remote at one hand and a cup of coffee at the other, this is my favorite way to reward myself.

Greatest moment of a day: Waking up from bed near dawn while it is still dark and chilly. My roommates would still be snoring and as I walk past their bedroom, I would glance at the door left ajar and smile a crooked smile. I would turn the blinds uncovered and slide the windows open and smell the fresh morning air. Reaching upon the living room sofa, I would sit cross-legged and stare at the slow rising sun until I fell asleep again.

Best moment in a holiday: Waking up from bed to an empty apartment and a silent room and have no worries of homework or school or job supervisor.

Greatest academic achievement: Contrary to common belief, SPM is not that much of a momentous achievement to me personally. It was all preplanned meticulously and expected by many, so it was not a big surprise. Nor would I say differently on the fact that my schoolmates and I fought our way to the final level of the 1998 National Science Quiz and won third nationally. My greatest pinnacle in academia would be the moment I stood in front of a crowded hall to receive the first place prize in an essay writing competition when I was 12. I remember stopping halfway on the stairs to the raised platform where an education official waited for me to give the prize. I looked at the crowd and they were all clapping and cheering loudly and I could see my HEM, who accompanied me to the competition, at the back of the hall and his face painted with shock and disbelief. I won the district level as an underdog because I was a Malay student from a rural school. I defeated several thick glasses Indian and Chinese students whose fathers are English paper examiners.

Most cherished feeling: Unwrapping the plastic covering of a newly bought CD, especially of Radiohead’s, arriving at the mailbox. The mixed concoction of intense emotions: anticipation, fear, relief and delight. All this will last until I have heard the last track of the album and press the ‘repeat’ button.

Best kitchen moment: Experimenting and/or modifying a dish and finally creating a new one, which turns out to be just as delicious. Another similar delight is cooking under pressure (usually of time constraint and preparing for a number of people) and surviving that well enough to receive appreciation.

Greatest way to start a morning: Opening my email inbox and receiving a long email from somebody you last heard about six months ago. That somebody could be just anyone and the email could just about anything, the effect is the same: sparks of joy. The same could be said if I was to receive a new entry notice from my guest book service provider.

Most enlightening moment: The journey homeward from a trip far or near has always been my favorite part of the experience of travelling. It’s not that much the comforting feeling of ‘Ah, home sweet home again’. Whenever on the way home and on the vehicle, I would try to get the side seats and glue my face on the window, looking at the same scene outside that I saw on my way to the destination. Then, I would evaluate on what the new experience has taught me. Were they worth all the hassles of leaving your humble abode? Have I learned anything new and useful? Is this worthy of telling my grandchildren one day? Later I would turn to the face of the others and stare at their exhausted facade. Are they happier now that they have sacrificed so much money and time? Will they be wiser?

Idea of most gratifying sleep: Without any scheduled force or impending responsibility, falling asleep accidentally on the mattress while staring at the ceiling or in front of the TV. All along the sleep, the room is quiet and empty and fairly warm. Then, I would wake up on myself, without some asshole jumping on the mattress next to me, to the sound of emptiness and solitude. In simpler words an uninterrupted and spontaneous sleep alone, regardless of the time of the day. A nice and entertaining dream would be a jolly good plus to that. This is also another great way to reward myself, although it is very hard to do or get.

Best food: Free food.

Most cherished brotherly moment: Carrying my then 2-years-old kid brother on my arms from the living room up the flight of stairs and onto his bed. He would usually fall asleep in front of the TV and on the carpet, accompanying Dad and his older sibling watching late night wrestling videos. Sometimes he would wake up as I carry him upstairs on my arms and ask me angrily to put him back where I picked him up. I always concur to that request but as soon as he falls asleep again, I would carry him back on my arms all over again. Now he is several pounds heavier and I think I would just drag him up the stairs by the hand instead. This is probably more enjoyable to do.

Best holiday moment well spent: My family was spending a week's vacation with my father's side of the family during Aidilfitri in 1992 at our kampung in Sabak Bernam. My kid brothers and I played the meriam buluh and the meriam tanah with our cousins and my youngest uncle (He is one year older than me) every night after Isyak, all night long until somebody succumb to the attack of the army of mosquitoes. My grandDad supplied the tins of belerang he bought from the nearest town store while my uncle watched over us. My cousins and I took turns to light up the fuse and prepare the 'gunpowder' mixture. We fought with another team of meriam hooligans at the other end of the kampung but they ultimately won. They used a piece of cut-up galvanized pipe they stole from the kampung's only bridge (The bastard who did that was the son of the ketua kampung). Although ours were comparatively pathetic to theirs, it is still my best holiday moment ever.

Greatest University life moment: I had just finished the Physics II (Electricity & Electromagnetism) final exam and was satisfied and confident to submit the paper to the proctor in front although everybody else in the exam hall was still toiling to answer the question on how a capacitor works. I stood up and reached for my dirty black bag and marched down the stairs. I handed the paper in and turned around and saw the whole exam hall looking at me. I lowered my gaze and walked up the stairs and out of the Physics building. As soon as I was at the other side of the door, I stopped and dropped my bag to the side. I reached into the pocket of my jeans and took out a chewing gum and threw it into my mouth. I stood still as I munched and munched and enjoyed the cool and breezy evening. Then suddenly, light and thin snowflakes fell from the sky and landed on my glasses. I wiped them off and slung the bag on my shoulder and walked away. I didn’t look back and ever since then, I never step foot in that building. That was the last Physics course that I took and everyday after that, I have never feel the same love for knowledge again.