[The Things I Do For My Kid Brother]

It seems that some people were somewhat misled by my statements, or rather what I told my brother, in that ‘My Kid Brother the Family Romantic’ chat transcript. Today’s post will concern much of the controversial statements, which had occurred at that time of chat, and it will also be my opportunity to clear my reputation as a loving brother and a morally sane person. Let me point to you those parts of the conversation if you have no idea whatsoever what I am babbling here right now.

YB: Girls hated me and I hated them. It wasn’t a problem to me then.
DH: You were lucky. Born a classic girl hater.

Okay, those who felt disgusted and lied at by the above part of the transcript, or had known me before and willing to testify to challenge the validity of my statement, especially the ‘classic girl hater’ part, please jump off a bridge now. It may be a traditional bridge over water or a bridge over a railway network; whichever suits your death wish best. Now, let us move on.

YB: What? What! You are banging a minor? You got SPM to take care of and you are banging a minor? Idiot! …

For this one, those who felt that their faith in a moral and ethical world had been crushed so forcefully by my usage of the word ‘banging’ and ‘minor’ in the same sentence, please put your head inside a spinning washing machine. If your home is not equipped with such a device, swallow huge quantity of bleach. Clorox (a registered brand name not intentionally advertised by me) would do the deed better but do not waste your money and time buying one if you have none in your household.

DH: Freak show manatee mascot.
YB: Flabby-butt pubic hare.
DH: Damn that’s a good one.

Concerning this part of a name-calling game I play around with my kid brother with, I sincerely ask for your kind forgiveness and loving sympathy. Oh how rude I was to expose your clean and pure hearts to such disgusting vulgarity and filth. I admit that I was too reckless in thinking that my readers are those who lived their childhood years in such a dirty and barbaric experience as we siblings had. Oh forgive me! Please!

Okay, that is enough begging for today. Forgive me for being too harsh on that punishing stuff. Now, let us all sit closer to the computer screen and hold our mouse tighter. Can you feel my right hand on yours via the mouse? Can you? Yes, we are closer to each other now. Okay, here are the rules. Whoever has his or her fingers on the keyboard, only that one person should do the typing. Everybody else should be respectful and read closely what that person is typing. Okay? Let us start from the front. Oh, that would be me.

I want to tell you, firstly, about that ‘girls hated me and I hated them’ portion of the chat. Hey, look at me when I am talking here, you! Okay, are you ready? It is not absolutely true. Yes, part of it I made up myself. I admit I was wrong to do that. I blame it on myself. I was drunk with the desire to get higher counter hits. I am sorry, truly, madly, and deeply. I promise to say things which are absolutely and totally true and which I am able to support with facts.

When I was my brother’s age, girls did not hate me. The truth is they admired me from afar and dared not to admit their blind infatuation until the last day of school. Unfortunately, it was absolutely true that I hated them all. Not because those who adored me did not have the courage to face up to me and admit that they liked me, but because they were not of the prettier kind. Being just survived puberty then, I feel no shame now in my excuse for hating them. I rest my case.

Now, about the ‘banging a minor’ talk. My kid brother and I, we are very close, talk to each other like we were those hardheaded gangster from the Godfather movies. We trash talk like wrestling champions but while doing that, we keep our sense of humor in check. Just in case. I think it’s that brotherly love stuff they promoted on TV. From the context of the chat, ‘banging a minor’ roughly means having a helpless crush at some nice town girl younger than you do. We are rather known as a nerdish lot in our hometown, having to wear glasses since we were little kids and spending a significant amount of time per day in front of our first love: the PC. So naturally, knowing that a cute girl our age likes us back, well, it triggers some really weird family hormones. You wouldn’t understand the feeling of it, I guess, since all of you are really nice looking fellows from really athletic family.

I have my deepest trust in him and also in the way he handles his emotional roller coaster rides. I believe that he will be that wise person I know him all along and that he will choose the path for his future that suits his interest and well being. I would also like to take this opportunity to express my best of wishes on his struggle towards a glorious SPM; may God help him keep his mind off of that slut.