I am still not sure which of the job openings would suit me best. The Undergrad Research Assistant II opening at the Physics Department looks very interesting, “tabulate lab results and managing data analysis program”. Maybe it is too technical for a starter like me. This is my first ever employment experience in anything at all, not just for the U. Well, not including as a paid student for my sponsor, I think it is my first job experience. I do not know why, but I have butterflies in my stomach. Maybe I am just a little scared about it. Have not I told you that I know myself better than anyone else had had? Well, I know that I am the kind of person who does not take order from anyone, no matter what. Getting employed means, however independent or high up the salary ladder the job is, well, taking orders like a pawn right? In this case, not those of corporate management but of academic administration are pulling strings on me. Does it have the same feeling?

The Mechanical Engineering lab opening is kind of like that of Chemistry department’s lab attendant. Only this one is much higher in starting pay per hour and that means you need to take care of extra responsibilities. Extra cash for extra tasks. I do not know, I am not into this chemistry stuff, not after what happened with my organic chemistry. As of right now, I am trying my best to shun myself from anything, anything at all, related to that field. Nevertheless, the flipside of that opening is, I am more familiar with solutions and beakers than tabulating any sort of data and it has been more than 6 months since I last graced myself to the Physics building. I think Che Wan is doing this stuff right now. He said the job is ‘fine’, whatever that means. I do not see him being happy or fulfilled for that matter, with his current position. Maybe he is in it just for the money, like me.

The money is fully for the flight back home. Mom and my little brothers are homesick of me; they keep asking me to come back whenever we are on the phone. It has been nearly two years and one festive season. I miss a lot of what they could do growing up as toddlers, riding their first bikes, counting, and conversing in English. The last thing I heard was that my kindergarten brother was really good at managing the PC at home. Not just the playing games with it but also starting up and handling troubleshooting. The other older two are doing far greater than I did when I was in school, advancing through classes and exams like a pack of migrating birds. One of them even joined the school basketball team, considering that we are rather known for being a nerdish lot. Dad is cool about my decision to come home; he commented on it with not a single tone of urge or persuasion. “You want to come back or not, it is up to you. As long as you bring home the same person I let go to the US last time, ok?” Scary or what, eh!

I have yet to contact the hiring person. I am plagued by doubts and insecurity. I am worried that I will quit halfway through summer. The reasons could be from the job being too consuming for my lazy-ass kind or it is unable to sustain my interest any longer. Who knows, maybe I will end up getting fired. [Sigh]