[The Serial Loser]
by YBLalat

To be truthful, I am in between two minds right now. In the last post, I promised to talk to you about the ‘Love Singaporean-style’ article at the Atlantic magazine web page, especially on the matter of an item called the French Tickler, sold by a rich and famous adult toys salesman. But later on during the day, as I put on my thinking hat of rationality, I found that the issue might be too sensitive (and definitely too provocative) to be discussed openly in the general public’s interest. It might be a great thing to talk about in an all-guy conversation in front of a TV sport event though, possibly being the only topic, but then in the sense that only wise individuals would comprehend, sex toys-related issue are not that good of a topic to discuss here. Being that the majority of you are female readers, and that such act of shallow sexist humor might reflect badly upon my reputation, I have decided to drop the subject. I hope that you (read: female readers) would acknowledge my sincere respect for your pure thoughts in the future.

For the guys (Yeah, you the man! Roar!), it might be of a good habit now to stop reading porn or gawk at teenage celebrities. No, no, I was just kidding. Relax. Wipe that cold sweat. Maybe you have never had the chance of being enlightened by the subject of the miraculous French Tickler like I had. This is why I am here: for you. In the true celebration of our manly brotherhood pledge, I will just put an ordinary and inconspicuous link down here and apathetically look away for a while, waiting for you to come back and continue your visit to this page.

[Walking down the alley and singing a song of love and betrayal before stumbling upon a great big poster pasted on the wall of a neighborhood grocery store nearby]

Howdy. I am deeply sorry for keeping you waiting on my update of the page. For the past few days, I have been far away from the computer, busily entertaining an old friend of mine who came by to my place at the oddest time of the year. Yeah, Mr. Text Book dropped by to say "Read me, you idiot!’ before embarking on his trip to the land of the Forgotten School Bag. At the end, I just had to shoo him away, although I know that is not very polite of me to do, because he couldn’t stop talking about homework due date and early preparation and student diligence. Now that I have done my part of the bargain with him, I think I deserve a rest from all that is academic and waste my perfectly wonderful youth in front of a computer, sharing a harmless laugh and catching up with my virtual friends from all over the globe. Sigh.

How are you doing? Great, huh? Did anything wacky lately? No? Yes? Oh you moved out of that rat hole yesterday? Good for you! Meet anybody hot yet? Oh I see. I am so sad to hear that. He’s already attached to somebody? Better luck the next time, dear. Why don’t you be bold and walk up to him? Be sexy. You might be shocked to know that that works all the time. Believe me; he’ll come back to you begging for more. Well at least, I’ll be. Yeah, try it. Leaving already? Okay, see you.

Also during the last few days, I spent my spare time in front of the idiot’s box, following closely the live sessions of the Minnesota House of Senate on the Public Broadcasting channel. Sounds lame, right? Like, ‘Man, only nerds do that stuff’, isn’t it? Yeah, I don’t blame you for saying that. You are just being yourself, I understand perfectly. I was possibly intrigued by the urgency of the sessions at that time. The senates were forced to be in office until late at night. Oh, you had no prior knowledge of this! Here you see. The state of Minnesota is currently at the verge of a possible government shutdown (exactly less than 12 hours from the moment I am writing you this) because members of the House were not able to pass the state budget for the next legislative session. In order to pass this budget, they are struggling with 9 acts to be discussed and debated (three readings as usual) which are very inconclusive in terms of their contents and manner of financial execution. The divided House is plagued by the inability to reach a compromise on several acts due to inadequate legislative sessions. How did this happen? Just one word needed to answer that: Jesse Ventura , the Former Wrestler turned Governor of State. Every time the House passes on an act to him to be signed into law, he keeps vetoing it to a special session of reevaluation. One of the acts that took the longest session time was the controversial Abortion bill. His ignorance and ego cost the people the state.

Yes, my governor can kick your governor’s ass, but that do not necessarily mean he is smart at beating other people. It actually means he likes to bully people around.

[to be continued tomorrow]