Anecdote: Satan, Cliché & Forgiveness

In a few more days, the fasting month will finally come to its end, and Aidilfitri will reign, and yes, my best friend Satan will then ultimately reclaim its glorious throne over our hedonistic lives, innate animalistic pleasures, and worldly ephemeral belongings, as he and his brethren are freed from the depths of the ocean. Soon, most of us sinners will once again be able to confidently point our crooked fingers at the Devil, and say, "Tis he, the great Lucifer, who made me rape the little girl, who whispered to my weak humanly desires, who all your accusing eyes should be staring at!" No longer will we be forced beyond our secularist beliefs to live our days as the starving moaning hypocrites, and our nights as the two-faced pretentious robots, all flocking and taking shelter behind the pursuit for the glory of Ramadan, the blessings of Lailatul Qadr. Oh Satan, we missed you so much, and now we welcome you, our dear favorite scapegoat.

And with the coming of this joyous day, may I shower you with;

"Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin."

Ah, the cliché of the year, the hackneyed phrase that never fails to bring the image of a joyous gluttonous festivity, the annual revenge for those of us who seek the goal of a more attractive, more slim figure after the end of the Ramadan scourge. So, my dear sweet Nurul, my dear sweet Nor, my dear sweet Siti, my dear sweet Ani, how well have the fasting month served your buxom womanly physique? Oh my, lucky the man who gets the hold of your firmer butt, who gets the jiggle of you starved breasts, may he be the more appreciative, more attentive, more loving man that you have always wanted him to be. My most favorite phrase that never seem to convey its true meanings no matter how many times I say it to the same person day and night. Not a single word from it that indicates how truly sorry you are for claiming that you are still single, even though you already have a boyfriend back in Miri, not a glimpse of regret that you wrote that highly insensitive parody email, not a speck of remorse that you killed that poor ant with the pouring of hot water. Nothing. Zilch. Matakungsi.

If you truly want to ask for forgiveness, then say like the following;

"Anas, hari baik bulan baik ni, aku nak mintak maap banyak-banyak sama kau, serunding daging yang mak kau hantar yang aku ambik buat berbuka makan dengan nasi hari tu, aku tak mintak izin kau pun, aku mintak kau halalkan lah ye? Air oren jus yang aku letak kat peti ais yang kau dengan Pyan habiskan tu, aku halalkan korang minum. Anas, aku nak mintak maap pasal selalu sebut nama kau kat blogspot aku, kau perut tong lah, kau gila pompuan lah, kau selalu tak mandi bau tengik lah, kau computer nerd lah, kau tidur berdengkur lah, semua-semua tu, aku mintak maaf banyak-banyak. Aku tahu aku banyak salah, banyak buat dosa kat kau, banyak ajak kau buat benda tak faedah. Tapi kau pun banyak ajar aku yang bukan-bukan, so, kira 0-0 ah bab tu eh? Anas, aku nak mintak maap dengan kau lagi, aku selalu curi syiling quarter yang kau sepah-sepahkan kat meja kau, katil kau, nak buat bayar laundry machine atau kalau masa aku gian malam-malam sebelum tidur nak minum air Coke kat vending machine kat depan rumah tu ha. Aku mintak halalkan ah semua tu, ya? Pyan pun, yang kat atas meja dia aku kebas gak. Ah... ada lagi, kejap. Ah! Berus gigi kau! Aku selalu guna kau punya..."

Words are strong, say it like it is. I hope you catch my drift with this issue.

Anyway, selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin.