Farewell My Concubines
by YBLalat

Each time before embarking on a journey in which there is no explicit guarantee given that I'll be back safe and sound and in one piece, I would cut my nails and toenails the night before and put them in an envelope. On it, I would write my name and date and sign it in red ink. Then, after a quick meaningful glance, I would slip it into one of my shirt’s breast pocket in the closet, hoping the best from God that I will be able to take it out one day upon returning home. “Just in case, just in case”, I would then mutter.

This is, by no means at all, a letter of my last will and testament.

The clock’s face is flushed with laze. Its fingers are dangling heavily with one at the far end of the other. A full twirl of the eyes on the clock’s face would approximately equal the total of time I have left before the tires of my flight set its body into motion in midair, crossing oceans and seas. I don’t have that many items to pack into my bag tonight since, for this hastily planned journey, I will only be accompanied by my trusted dirt-black school backpack. So, time will never be envious of my preparation for tomorrow.

“Tomorrow will be a great experience”, I assure myself; although the coarse and faltering voice of mine mocks the truth of that. And other parts of my body are suddenly acting weirdly. They seem to be trying to say to me the otherwise also. My eyes blinked vehemently throughout the day. The skin is a bit more flaky and dry than usual. My chapped lips are bleeding profusely again; that new lip-gloss must have been a cheap imitation of a familiar brand name. Then, there are these strands of hair from the sides of my head not willing to succumb to the shaping strength of my hair gel.

Probably it’s just the end of the final exams that I am feeling like this; the brain is spring cleaning its used storage. Probably it’s just that today it snowed heavily and strong on the U area for the first time since mid-November and that I feel that I will miss the cold, white snow. Probably it’s just the body adjusting to the abrupt changes of the climates inside and outside the house; the heater is set too high and the air is too dry. Probably it’s just that I am bit edgy and insecure about my trip back to Malaysia tomorrow.

Either cases being true and of the destined, I would like to say these in advance. Thank you for the experience. It was priceless and one of a kind. Hope that all is well and stay well for the both of us. Forgive me being wrong and distant; I was just being my true self. (I wish I could be who you wanted all the time).

May we see each other again soon.