i have become FAT only because...

because the notorious minnesota winter is coming and i don't want to go to class in layers of clothing.
because the fasting month is just around the corner and i am eating in advance the meals that i am sure to miss.
because i want to wear those new size 34 pants i just bought at target and show them to my friends.
because this semester's classes are of high and difficult level and they tend to make me very depressed.
because my appetite has increased since all of my roommates are already good cooks and can cook a variety.
because i want to look unattractive and distance myself from the opposite sex; thus, a more focused student.
because every time my stomach growls during lecture or discussion, i stuff myself with packets of junk food.
because i want to add a few more pounds of meat here and there and make myself appear tough and strong.
because i have been a skinny person for almost my entire lifetime and would like to fashion a new appearence.
because with increase of weight, comes the self-confiding notion that i am healthier, happier and living a better life.
because my bag to school is getting heavier as my classes are getting harder and the textbooks used are bulkier.
because homer simpson is my idol.
because i take my dinner late, around 10 o'clock, every tuesday and thursday nights after my organic chemistry lab.
because the video rental guy always wrongly assumes me as a minor whenever i browse through the adult video section.
because the u workout gym and student recreation center are not located within walking distance from my apartment.
because i only have one pair of jogging/exercising t shirt and track suit and the cost of laundry is killing me.
because i could not think of any other way to spend my scholarship money other than to eat and drink luxuriously.
because this is the only thinkable way for that buxom egyptian chick to notice me and start a conversation with.
because i don't want to be called satan's friend by wasting food on my plate and leftovers from last night's meal.
because the price of food and groceries in the usa are relatively cheaper than that of back home in malaysia.

so, there you are: all 20 of my best reasons. are you happy now? does your curiosity feels satiated? huh?

(somebody unexpectedly came by my apartment tonight and informed me nonchalantly that i am fatter now than i was the last time she saw me. what nerve.)

by The Fattest Guy With The Worst Haircut