Today's entry [and probably tomorrow's too] is:

(1) to spoof and parodize the chaotic usage of mixed and broken English used extensively and with pride in several blogs and online journals that I know of and frequent daily,

(2) to make an utter fool out of myself by blogging [brutally] sincere about everything that pops up in my mind, ignoring its potential adverse effects on the societal pillars of moral values, religion, and my own self-image,

(3) to show the true gist and full meaning of the oftenly misunderstood phrase "rambling about nothing",

(4) to make up to Rafthah for not updating this blog for some time now, may she sneakingly abuse her office hour to visit my page every morning at work using the company's computer,

(5) to see how tolerant my readers are at the sight of the F word, a gazzillion times per entry, like some online bloggers love to write, and

(6) to celebrate the 10-year anniversary of Nirvana's Nevermind album - released September 24, 1991 - the most definitive album in rock history after The Beatles' White album.

Ready, steady...and go!
by YBLalat

whoa, malas nye, aku ingat this job in Boynton ni is very-very tiring, tapi okay ah jugak ek. aku dah kerja kat sini nearly two minggu tapi so far, okay je. lagipun, bebudak melayu all kerja kat sini, 7-8 people, tak rasa ah macam, like, kuli batak omputih ah. kena bangun pukul, like, 6 in the morning and then kena jalan dalam gelap thru U area ah, nak ke tempat work. itu je ah part kerja yang tough skit, lelain okay. bayar pun okay gak ah, memandangkan kerja ni boleh curi tulang semua, pasal use punch in punya card system. Kamal ah ajar aku mana tempat nak curi tulang -tidur berbayar- semua, kalau nak avoid Rob -my supervisor- tak nak kantoi. setakat ni, aku baru escape kerja 2 hari, ni Mamat ah ajar kat aku memonteng, tak sempat nak bangun ah 'kul 6. always ah, tetapi not that often, aku kerja sampai noon, around 12, walaupun actually nye kerja kena sampai pukul 2. kerja pun tak hard ah, ceh, setakat buat housekeeping je bangunan tu. nasib baik ah dia bangunan klinik, kalau macam Mamat ngan Awin kerja dulu, kena kat bangunan hostel freshman - nangis-nangis ah, haha. aku dengar ada diaorang found kondom (used maa...) time tengah bersihkan bilik ngan toilet kat situ. lantak ah. what the fuck kerja kat situ? cari nahas apa? kotor ah sial, lagi-lagi hostel. my own asrama kat Mozac dulu punya lah hellhole, kotor like shit. damn. taik kat lubang jamban overflow, melimpah woh. kalau kau berak, kau pull tali pam dia, nanti taik kau pusing-pusing keliling lubang tu 8 times, tapi tak masuk-masuk into the lubang. penuh sangat ah tank dia ngan taik bertahun-tahun, atau budak pam gambar blue kat lubang tu (buat apa lagi?), atau terberak dalam seluar, lepas tu pam spender dia yang kena cirit tu, fuck ah. ugh, man, that sucks, big time! kalau aku kena assign suruh budak form 1, time jadi pengawas dulu, kena clearkan jamban floor hostel, memang aku lari. mampus ah. biar Erly Kerbau -ketua pengawas- ngamuk, peduli apa. fuck off ah nak masuh toilet. apa mak aku hantar sini nak sedut bau kari taik bebudak ni? damn it. ah fuck, aku dah overboard, dah melalut. aku ingat tadi nak cerita pasal something ah, forgot what. oh ya, Nirvana! man, Cobain, you just dunno how you are missed nowadays, man. so much, man. Just look at all this nu-metal crap, Linkin Park, my ass! fucking wussies. pretty boys with no balls. I repeat, no fucking balls, no talent, man. nothing is fucking original anymore. where is this decade's rock-n-roll savior? actually nye aku lagi prefer In Utero dari Nevermind punya album, In Utero punya bunyi lagi raw and sincere, tak sound macam over-produced like Nevermind, tapi Nevermind lah yang tendang jubor putih Micheal Jackson ngan Mariah Carey kat Billboard 10 tahun dulu. Nevermind came rushing from behind, man, from debut position nombor berapa ntah, #64 ke apa, kicking the crap out of those dua #1 albums. haha. fuck off ah lu pop music, here comes grunge. here comes fucking anti-rock star music. ingat lagi masa diaorang buat live show kat MTV Video Awards, lagu Lithium, ending je lagu, Kurt jolok kepala gitar kat speaker, Novoselic baling bass ke atas, hit kepala dia balik, lepas tu Dave kick drum dia - rabak. thrashing gear sial! in front of live TV, depan other artists semua. fucking ngam! terkujat everybody. shit. aku fucking hate betul the word alternative. banyak ah in the past orang pakai word tu. macam pundek. bunyi lagu, like, heavy sikit je, ada vokal menjerit sikit je, cakap: "wah ni band alternative ni!". konek hangpa ah. fuck you. idiot melampau. rumah aku sekarang dah jadi macam fuck ah. ada barang-barang budak-budak pindah apartment ah, dah jadi macam store room, pinggan mangkuk dia, microwave dia, baju, almari, cermin, meja study, buku teks. crowded like shit, man, my own living room. ada one night tu, aku nak cari space kosong nak tidur pun tak leh. added lak yang ni bebudak junior dari malaysia, yang baru arrive ni, lepak-lepak kat rumah aku nak dekat sebulan, pasal belum dapat apartment sendiri, dengan luggage besar dia, baju kotor dia sidai-sidai, lepas tu tidur main sedap je kat katil aku. dah lah rumah aku tu nearest to the U area, every 5 second ada aje orang push loceng pintu, nak masuk tengok video ah, nak tumpang jamban ah, kang kalau turn aku masak kang, ada je yang mengacau datang rumah. Mamat pulak dumbass sikit, jenis yang best je ajak orang makan sama, sengih-sengih, tak reti nak cakap 'no'. Awin bawak awek dia datang rumah lah pulak, masuk dalam room dia lak tu. tak ingat siang malam, main seronok je. ada pernah aku baru je wake up pagi, konek tengah stim ni, aku lak jenis asshole tak pakai spender to sleep, ada pulak si Azza lalu depan bilik aku, nak ke toilet, basuh muka. what the fuck sial? apa hal lak Azza tidur kat rumah ni? nasib baik ah Pyan cool sikit. okay je perangai. dia pun not quite happy with keadaan rumah tu, tapi what to do kan? kang kalau cakap lebih-lebih kang, komplen tak friendly ah pulak. drop ah imej dia. troubling lah pulak. jadi dia ngendeng kat aku ni lah, kalau nak force Che Wan jangan menumpang makan lagi kat rumah tu ke, or whatever, aku lah the guy dia nak mengadu, i am the jerk to do the dirty work. dia tahu ah kot, aku ni type yang 'lantak awak lah, saya peduli apa' punya orang. i don't give a fuck, kalau kau tak kacau aku, aku tak kacau kau, please berambus. haha. aku buat hal sendiri je, buat dunno, nobody wants to nak mintak tolong aku drive kereta nak pindah barang ke, atau nak tolong bawakkan beli grocery ke, naik bas lah kau, what is it to me your hardships? nothing, you queer. aku tak de luxury of cash pun nak belanja awek ke whatever, jimat. girlfriend pun tarak, lagi aku happy. Pyan ah jongos, call awek, sampai US$100, lepas tu nak visit awek lagi, beli tiket flight. ish ish. lantak korang lah, tomok-tomok sekalian. one day, yesterday petang kot, Ram -rakan bermain Half Life Blue Shift- buat lawak kat aku, fucking ngam sial, aku gelak like gila ah: "sekarang ni, Norris dah tak hot ah, sorry ah lu minah, he he, nih Iman je semua. budak-budak kalau borak, hehe, aku dengar, Tulang ah ni, sikit-sikit Iman, sikit-sikit Iman. kepala takuk dia ah, hehe.""Aku rasa ah, Ram, kang siap ah, Norris ambik langkah drastik ah nak tawan balik attention bebudak ni. kau tengok je ah kang, dressing dia, make up dia kang. perang, perang.""fuck ah bebudak ni, jadi gay kan senang, hehe."

p/s: for sure aku dapat nahas post entry like this. mesti somebody will naik hangin satu badan ni kang. oh well, fuck you in advance for that.