p/s: Today's entry is to put heterosexual faith back in the heart of teenage lesbians (only)

High School Biology and How it Ruined My Adult Life (Part 2)
by YBLalat

Not only had sex education made me laugh and helped me stay awake and fresh during afternoon biology classes, it also intrigued me to learn more and on my own. I had never done that before, unless it was specifically asked for or is essentially required as part of finishing a given biology homework. One afternoon around three, during a midday prep class, I had nothing to do. I sat on my seat, watching paint dry. All of my homework due the next day had been completed and the ones that was due the day after that was halfway done. (If I were to finish them also, then I would have nothing to do but stare at Jumie’s bra straps silhouette all day long.)

Thus, I looked around for action. Everybody else in the classroom was toiling with the extra-hard Add Math homework, punching the calculator’s knobs like crazy. Everyone had gone mad. The classroom was so silent and tense that the sound of you sneezing would make even the most pious student a blasphemous fool by taking God’s name in vain to scorn you. Furthermore, the weather was sweltering hot and the class’ fans were stuck at the second gear speed because some buffoon tinkered with the electrical switches and burned the circuits.

Then, I decided that, what other option is there but to spend the rest of the day in the air-conditioned school library, looking at biology books, filled with sperm diagrams and menopause charts, to learn more about sex and sexuality? And so I did nonchalantly. (That was not the most challenging decision-making process I had ever encountered. In fact, it was an obvious no-brainer. Didn’t you see it coming?) I stood up and bopped towards the library downstairs to the beat of my own humming of the school anthem.

In the library, there was a group of junior female students doing a science group work on the ecosystem of a pond, sitting close together in front of a huge, white manila card filled with drawings of frogs and wild bushes. I knew none of the girls’ names. They sat opposite the only other table in the library that had the air-conditioning’s mouth underneath it. Even before I had any books with me, I had decided to sit right there, under the cold breezy flow. Then, I headed for the bookshelves at the back and roamed the vast space of book categories and soon enough, found the shelf where they hid all of the sex education goodies. My fingers began to itch. A crooked smile cracked up.

"My oh my, they have enough sex books here to stiffen up the celibate monks and priests and still have the extra supply to cure the impotent and reconvert the lesbians."

Like a hungry peasant, I stacked up as many books as I could on my folded arms and dragged them all towards the table near the young girls. A few inches from it, I dropped them all crashing down on the table and slide my butt onto the stool. The screeching sound of dark green cotton and the exploding thunder of dropped sex education books announced my immediate departure to fantasyland to the others. They gawked at me for a while and when they realized that it was just some tensed nut from Form 5, taking a break from his SPM rat race, they looked away and minded their own business.

The books were awesome! They had diagrams of monkeys doing it doggy style and pictures of pregnant baboons kissing each other. Also, I have always wondered why official classroom biology textbooks never show me any diagram whatsoever of a penis inside a vagina. You know, like during a typical, between different genders, sexual intercourse. They have diagrams of penises, of various sizes, only from the side view and vaginas, of various lip patterns, only from the front view, but never both in the same diagram and from the same viewpoint. I tried looking for such pictures but none came close to satisfy my curiosity.

Next, I encountered a huge close-up diagram of a primate’s penis. It was long and clean-shaven (not hairy like its body) but it looked more like an elephant’s trunk than a penis, because it was very dark in color and most importantly, dangling lazily downwards. From my vast and mature experience and detailed and frequent observation, a healthy penis displays its proud length only when it is fully erect (example: ‘morning glory’) and is not capable to point to the ground at that moment. That diagram was impossible! I knew even then that it was a monkey’s dick but still, the two procreative systems, of man and ape, are essentially the same. Soon after that, I realized that all of the diagrams of penises in the textbooks and library books were drawn similarly. I concluded that I was the only man alive biologically potent.

Furthermore, I have always wondered whether the two diagrams of both sexes’ genitalia are actually drawn to the same scale. Using the library books, I tried putting both diagrams next to each other and compared them together. From my observation then, I rationalized that the penis from the diagram would not be able to fit the vagina’s opening and that its girth is too much for the vagina’s walls to accommodate. They didn’t seem to match up equally in size to perform the dirty task best. I was further puzzled. "Is sex pleasing and painful at the same time?"

By this time, the junior girls started making chirping sounds. I was holding two big books, with the titles ‘Human Reproductive System’ and ‘Wild Animal Kingdom’ scrawled large all over the front cover pages, too high up and constantly banging the books’ spines to each other. They must have thought that I had just been released from a 20-year prison sentence and in desperate need of pornographic materials. Carefully, I closed the two books and laid them down at the far edge of the table and searched for other, more decent, biology books. That library incident certainly did not help raise my reputation among younger girls.

[to be continued (there is more of this shit?) tomorrow]