sometimes, i don't know why i am here. i guess i am not supposed to ask things like this, especially at times as critical as now. but i couldn't help myself. i kept holding back emotions. i always kept me to myself to often, i guess. the last time i really spoke to anyone, on anything at all, was in chicago. haha...i almost cried. f**k...i almost cried. the last time i shed tears i was on top of a rock near the edge of that damn hill in malacca. i was cursing like a drunkard, crying like it was the end of the world. hm...come to think of it, i really was that alone. 7 years ago i was in this same condition as today. funny. i never thought that there is such things as this. no wonder i am so sad. i really am alone still.